The Dictionary of Men's Sayings and What They Mean

"I'M GOING FISHING."
"I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a lake with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"IT'S A GUY THING."
"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," or "YES, DEAR."
Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN."
"I have no idea how it works or what I'm trying to explain."

"WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE."
"Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
"Are you still talking?"

"IT'S A REALLY GOOD MOVIE."
"It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women."

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
"I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
"The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"OH, DON'T FUSS. I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
"I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

"HEY I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
"And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
"It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
"What did you catch me at? Which time?"



"I HEARD YOU."
"I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
"I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
"Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
"No one will ever see us alive again."

BENEFITS OF BEING A WOMAN
* We got off the Titanic first.
* We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
* We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
* We can cry and get off speeding fines.
* We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
* Taxis stop for us.
* We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
* Free drinks, free dinners, free movies.
* New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
* No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.
* We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
* If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
* We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her ass.
* We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
* We have the ability to dress ourselves.
* We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
* There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
* We'll never regret piercing our ears.
* We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes